Leadership Step By Step – Exercise #20: Inspire
8/16/25 Update: I totally forgot that I didn’t post all my leadership exercises! Just a couple left to go!
This week, the exercise was to do the exact same exercise as last week, but now with confidence! In short, get more practice leading more people.
If you need a reminder, the process is:
- Identify something you need done.
- Identify someone you want to do it for you (and it helps if you understand why that person in particular would be well suited to the task).
- Tell that person you notice that they are particularly good at [activity related to task], and ask them why.
- Begin the “Make people feel understood” exercise. Go through the clarification/confirmation cycle until you identify what the universal emotion behind it is.
- Politely ask if they could help you with [your task]
I was able to do the exercise one more time with a coworker. The task was pretty straightforward: I had an incoming new hire that I had to train and I wanted the previous person in that position to help train them (which was NOT already required of this person). It was pretty textbook: I explained that I really appreciate their attention to detail in their work, how well they are able to communicate and problem solve, and that I appreciated everything they did in their previous role. I asked why they were so good at those things, and they proceeded to happily explain the things that made them want to work so hard at the things I mentioned. After a couple rounds of clarification/confirmation, they had identified a sense of duty, values of kindness, and a strong dislike of dancing around issues and wanting to get straight to a problem.
I then explained that we have the new hire coming in and I think it would be great if they would help me train the new hire. After being asked in this way, they seemed absolutely delighted to have been asked. I also felt great for having had a nice conversation and connected over their values and duties that they felt towards their work.
My favorite thing about doing this exercise is that it takes away all the stress of having to ask someone else to do something for you. “Buttering someone up” is a phrase that frequently came to mind when I was thinking about doing this, but that phrase somehow sounds devious and doesn’t quite capture exactly how this exercise feels. Yes, you are complimenting them in order to get them to feel good before giving them your ask, but I think the important distinction here is that you’re finding helpful qualities in them and being honest: you’ve identified something you truly appreciate them for and explained that you’d really like them to do this for you because their skill would be helpful to you…And you’re being open about it, which in turn makes them feel good and appreciated, without any feelings of deception or manipulation.
The one area that I identified that I could improve on is to remember to do this exercise! I had several experiences throughout the week where right AFTER an interaction with someone finished that I could’ve done this exercise with them and asked for help. I felt guilty because I knew I had not only missed an opportunity to ask for help with something, but because I missed an opportunity to connect more deeply with someone!
Going forward, this is an exercise I hope to implement in my everyday interactions with coworkers, friends, and family. It’s one that I think is fantastic, not because you’re getting other people to help you with tasks that need to be done, but because the connection you’ll feel from it makes you feel happier and more connected in your day to day life.
