Leadership Step By Step – Exercise #13: Write Your Models for Leadership and Emotions
Essay #1: What is leadership?
[I want to preface this essay by saying I’m not sure I 100% agree with everything I wrote. This is one that, the more I wrote, the more introspective I got and started to second guess myself, or wanted to add more. I feel like given enough time you could fill a book with all that I write. Anyway, that said, call this a first draft. Enjoy!]
I can honestly say that prior to working with Josh on leadership, I had no idea what leadership actually meant. I think that this is probably similar to the case of most people: if you were to ask what a leader is, I think most people would answer that the leader is the person who’s the boss – they set the goals and make the rules, tell you what to do, and tell you what you’re doing wrong. My answer would have been no different.
But that has changed now.
Now, when asked what a leader is, my answer is similar, but is more nuanced. A leader may set goals, they may make the rules, they may also designate roles and help to solve problems, but what is most important is how they do it and why. A true leader is not deciding the direction of the group because that’s what they want and everyone must obey. A true leader is not controlling everyone just because they were hired into the authoritarian position. A true leader does not coerce or command. A true leader puts others before themself. A true leader listens and understands the other people in their group. A true leader does not assume they know everything already, and seeks perspectives and solutions from those they lead. A true leader guides a group towards a goal with all members of the group in mind. A true leader unites people.
A true leader utilizes empathy, listening, effective communication, and assertiveness in order to guide a group of people to a shared vision. A leader is adaptable, understanding, altruistic, courageous, composed, resilient, and has a drive to tackle problems head-on.
Unfortunately, true leaders are in short supply.
When I think of leaders throughout history, I think that many of those top leaders you already know come to mind: Martin Luther King, Jr., Gandhi, or Mother Teresa. These are all leaders that strove to lead us to a better world. There were of course many leaders that did the opposite, but I think it’s incredible that some of the most famous historical leaders are famous because of the good that they did. Unfortunately, when I think of modern day leaders, or at least ones that most people consider to be top modern day leaders, people like Jeff Bezos, Elon Musk, and Bill Gates often make the list. While what they’ve accomplished may be impressive, whether they become top “leaders” by doing good deeds is debatable. I would argue they are more lauded for the unthinkable amounts of wealth they were able to amass, rather than the good deeds they have done.
Though nowhere near as famous as MLK, Gandhi, Elon Musk, or Jeff Bezos, there are some modern people I very much respect for their views on leadership. One would be Simon Sinek, who I think has an incredible sense of empathy combined with an incredible intellect and strategy towards leadership. Another would be Greta Thunberg who, while I think has more to learn about leadership and some areas where her leadership abilities are lacking, she’s also had the courage to act under immense pressure, shown unabashed passion to her followers, and guided likely hundreds of thousands of people to her cause for good. For a final example, I’ll use Ramit Sethi, a personal finance coach who I listen to regularly – not only for his financial advice, but for his compassion, empathy, and genuine drive to want to fully understand the people he coaches before he tries to lead them towards appropriate financial goals that align with their values (not his!). There are many more, but these are the three that came to mind.
Sometimes it seems as though in order to be respected as a great leader these days, it can feel like a prerequisite that you need to reach the billionaire class. So what does success in leadership mean? I don’t think there is one specific definition of what successful leadership is. Even a quick internet search will turn up hundreds of articles and definitions of what successful leadership looks like. One way that I would define success in leadership is having guided a group to an achieved a shared vision with everyone feeling satisfied and that they contributed. Another way I would define successful leadership is to be leading a group where everyone is rowing in the same direction towards the same goal with a sense of duty to their shared cause. The one common thread is that in my mind, in successful leadership, the members of the group feel understood and motivated to keep going out of a sense of responsibility to the others in the group and to themselves.
On the contrary, what would failure in leadership look like? Again, there are many ways in which leadership can fail, and I doubt I’ll be able to illustrate all of the ways here. To me, any group that has sustained, unresolved conflict or tension shows a high possibility of failure of leadership. No group works perfectly together 100% of the time. If you are working with humans, there will be tension and conflict. The difference between success and failure is how it is handled by the leader and the group members. A successful leadership will guide members through conflict and the result will be members who have stronger relationships because of the conflict and a sense of resolution. Another way a leader can fail is to be unable to understand the members of the group and their vision, or a failure to tie it all together into a shared vision. This is one of the main reasons I think true effective leaders are few and far between: it is far easier to fail than it is to succeed in leadership.
Now that we’ve covered successful and failures in leadership, what is the strategy for effective leadership? What is an effective model for leadership? If I had to outline a model for leadership, I think it would be an iterative process like the following, incorporating adaptability through iteration and empathetic listening to engage members:
- Define a vision for yourself (a “draft” vision) and present it to group members
- Explore your group members goals, vision, and adapt the vision accordingly
- Identify goals and clear steps towards achieving the vision
- Establish clear roles and objectives for members
- Repeat
A vision is something that is fluid and evolves over time, and if your group is not reevaluating it’s vision and ensuring everyone is continually on the same page and that everyone is feeling heard and that they’re contributing, your group will begin to deteriorate.
Do I think this is the best model for leadership? Probably not, there are many who have far more experience in leadership than I do that will have much better models. But for where I am in my leadership journey, this model represents my current way I think about leadership. One of the reasons I’m taking this course in leadership is to improve on my leadership skills and the models I use to lead those I can. I hope that in future writings, I will be able to elaborate more on how my model has changed and grown.
Essay #2: What are motivation, emotions, and self-awareness?
[Going to preface this one with the same as before: it feels like the more I write, the more I want to go back and revise, add, or remove things I already wrote. In order to fulfill the homework requirement, I’m forcing myself to stop here and just post this. So again, I can’t say I 100% agree with all of my own writing here. Please think of this as a first draft. Enjoy!]
If you want to lead people, you cannot do so without understanding what motivates people. What motivates people? You could argue a lot of different things, but to me, they all boil down to one basic element: emotion. And if you’re going to understand your own motivation and awareness, you’re going to need self-awareness. So let’s talk about all three.
Motivation is the feeling you get that makes you want to work toward a goal. It is arguably one of the most important feelings you can have. Without motivation to do anything…Well…It’s pretty hard to accomplish anything. Almost by definition, someone without motivation is clinically depressed. It fuels everything from social connections to skill development. You can have many motivations at the same time (and we all do! Are you hungry right now? Are you feeling like meeting a friend? Do you want to clean that mess up in your room? Do you want to learn to play that one song on guitar?), and you can even have two opposing motivations at the same time (ever wanted to eat that chocolate cake in the fridge but also want to lose weight for the wedding coming up?). In leadership, it’s key to learn how motivation works since you need to learn how to use motivation to inspire and drive people to work toward a vision. I would argue that every time you’ve ever felt motivated to do something it was driven entirely by emotion. I don’t think I’ve ever logically led myself to feel motivation…To me they feel more like they are created by our experiences and desires, rather than being consciously decided. If I think back on some of the strongest motivations I’ve ever had, they were all driven by something emotional: a desire to look good to others, a desire to make money, a desire to be accepted by peers, etc. Motivation is emotional.
If motivation is emotional, then what are emotions? For me personally, this is a realm I’ve been learning to explore more in depth over the past year, so I wouldn’t call myself an expert in emotions. This of course isn’t to say I never felt emotions before, but I actively tried to suppress many of my emotions for a long time, as I used to think that logic was “good” and emotion was just something that served to get in the way of “clear” thinking. More recently, I’ve come to realize the truth: the way I thought about decision making was completely backwards – I thought everything I do is logical but it turns out…nothing I do is logical, and everything is emotional. Everything I decide to do is based on emotion, and after my emotional brain makes its choice, my logical brain justifies it with logic. Emotion decided which university I wanted to go to, what I felt like eating, who I wanted to be friends with, and what kind of hobbies I wanted to do. So what are they? I think if I had to define them, I would call them chemical processes in our body that have evolved to encourage or discourage various behaviors. They encourage us to create social connections, make us feel bad when we don’t have them, or tell us to do something more, or to do it less!
I feel that motivation and emotions are closely related. But I think that most people go through life just accepting them for what they are and never thinking twice about them. But I find that raw motivation and emotions on their own, while just fine, have power that is left unlocked. To me, self-awareness is the key that is required to unlock the power of motivation and emotions. For example, if I want to learn how to play the guitar relying purely on motivation without knowing why, when, or how you feel motivated to play will almost guarantee that you don’t keep up with practice. Or if I’m learning to make perfect free-throws in basketball but I feel frustrated and angry every time I miss a shot, but never take a moment to try to understand why, it’s unlikely I’ll be able to keep going. Self-awareness (coupled with curiosity and mental flexibility) is the only way to check your motivation and emotions and get both aligned in the same direction towards a desired goal. Motivation and emotions are powerful tools that, when utilized and directed well (good luck trying to stop or control them), can be the difference between success and failure at any effort you make.
I consider myself a ceaseless student of life. I’m always trying to push myself to be better than I was yesterday, and I’m always trying to understand myself and how I relate to the world and people around me. Leadership represents the next step for me – a way to take the experiences I’ve had and try to utilize them to help others. It forces me to think beyond just examining myself; A ‘zooming-out’ to see a bigger picture of the world and people around me and thinking about how I relate to and affect them. I hope that by understanding motivation, emotions, and self-awareness better, I can learn to lead not only myself, but others around me more effectively.
