You’re Not Buying What You Want—You’re Buying What They Sell
I used to think companies were just giving us what we wanted. If people asked for faster cars, cheaper clothes, or tastier snacks, companies would listen and deliver. The market follows demand. Right?
But then the day came when I realized that I was wrong – it works the other way around.
Companies create what they want to sell, and then make us want it. After that realization, my entire view of marketing flipped. Suddenly ads took on a whole new level of deceit: Ads are not designed to tempt you to buy things you already want…They’re designed to CONVINCE you that you want them.
Think about it, the most successful ads rarely focus on the nuts and bolts of what they’re selling. They don’t just say, “Here’s a new phone with slightly better battery life.” Instead, they tell us stories: that the phone will make you more attractive, more productive, more connected, more you.
The uncomfortable truth? Buying that phone won’t bring you lasting happiness. At best, it gives you a quick hit of dopamine. Maybe you feel cool for a few days. Then the shine fades, and suddenly the “must-have” item becomes just another thing lying around the house (especially if you’re one of those people that shells out $800 every year for a new phone that is only marginally better). The cycle starts again the next time you see an ad.
A Few Examples
- The fast fashion industry doesn’t respond to what we need—it pushes trends at lightning speed, convincing us last month’s clothes are already out of style. The result? Closets full of clothes we rarely wear and an empty feeling that we’re never “caught up.”
- The processed snack aisle wasn’t created because people asked for neon-orange chips. Companies discovered cheap ways to make hyper-flavored products that are engineered to maximize craving and an inability to stop eating. And then they market them as “fun,” “shareable,” and “irresistible.” What we actually wanted was comfort, connection, and maybe a break from stress—which maybe a bag might provide…Before the guilt from eating an entire bag of hyper-processed “food” hits.
- The SUV craze grew not because families needed oversized vehicles, but because automakers found bigger cars were more profitable. Ads framed them as symbols of adventure, safety, and freedom. In reality, most end up stuck in the same traffic jams as compact cars, guzzling fuel along the way.
What We Really Want
When you peel back the layers, what people are actually searching for isn’t a car, a sweater, or a snack. We’re searching for happiness, meaning, and connection. And those don’t come from shopping carts. They come from how we spend our time and energy.
- Challenging tasks we enjoy. Learning a musical instrument, cooking a meal from scratch, fixing up a bike, running that extra mile. These aren’t always easy, but all the best things in life worth doing aren’t. Challenging tasks give us a sense of accomplishment and growth that no purchase can match.
- Investing in relationships. A long walk with a friend, dinner with family, helping a neighbor with a project. These experiences stick with us. They deepen our sense of belonging in ways no product can deliver.
- Contributing to something bigger. Volunteering, creating art, or working on a project that matters. When we use our energy for more than just ourselves, we often find meaning where consumerism falls flat.
The Choice in Front of Us
The next time an ad promises that happiness, beauty, or connection is just one purchase away, take a pause. Ask: Is this really what I’m looking for? Or is there a deeper need here—one that no company can sell me?
Because companies may dictate what they want us to want, but it’s up to us to decide on what we truly value, and act accordingly.
