A Better Way To Influence

A Better Way To Influence

I very often find myself feeling misunderstood by those around me; feeling like there’s some kind of gap between my mindset and that of others. There is something that resonates inside of me that doesn’t seem to resonate with those around me. And today, I found myself thinking about why there is such a disconnect between my way of thinking and so many others around me, including family and friends who are closest to me.

Understanding what’s resonating within me

That part of me that resonates, the part that tells myself that I should make changes to my life to pollute less and connect more…I want to be able to touch others in a way that it begins to resonate within them as well: to transfer that resonation.

And it occurred to me that it must start with making myself understood first. Maybe that sounds obvious now, but before now, without really thinking about it, I realize that I just assumed that if people knew the things I knew, people would want to change. If people knew that seas are rising forcing mass migrations, that there is pollution in everything we eat and drink, that climate change is bringing droughts and storms and fires that are killing people every year, they would naturally want to change. It seems logical to me. I assumed this is step one. I assumed this would be enough to make them change.

But now I think there’s a step even before that: the connection with me. Understanding who I am: the person that is their father, husband, son, brother, nephew, uncle, friend, or coworker. Understanding why this person that they care about thinks and feels the way he does.

I think about it this way: it doesn’t matter how good the information is. If the connection to the information is bad, the information doesn’t get across. Think of a phone call that is cutting out repeatedly and you can barely make out what the other person is saying. If the connection is bad, the information, no matter how important, doesn’t get through.

Learning to resonate with others

This has lead me to think about my reasons for choosing to live the way I do in a way that other people can understand and connect with, that won’t be met with cognitive dissonance or pushback. My answer to this is: compassion. A desire to want to do good, not just for myself, but for others as well. This is a fundamental way of thinking that everyone can understand, or at least aspire to have more of in their life.

For all the pollution we emit, whether it be miles driven, animals killed for meat, tons of dyes dumped into rivers for our clothes we wear, our lives emit pollution. But we get to choose how much pollution.

I choose to pollute as little as possible.

Be understood, be compassionate before you try to influence

I think that if everyone around me understood that the reason I eat less meat, turn off the only-lukewarm water while I shower, or ride my bike to work is so that I can harm others less, I think it makes my actions far more relatable, and has a much better chance of changing someone’s mind about their own actions. Much more so than “Eugene has a noble desire to save the world,” which feels more like something that is just specific to being “Eugene” and less relatable, as most people find their own problems to be large enough without including the whole world’s.

So from here on out, this is how I approach these conversations with my friends and family: not with facts and stories about the environment being destroyed, but how my actions are ones I choose to help myself and others.